David Prashker's World Hourglass

Monday, August 31, 2015

Tromelin Island

It seems to have been a while since I last wrote about a French territory in the Indian or Pacific ocean; on this occasion the former, about three miles east of Madagascar, the same area where they also hold Bassas da India and Europa Island and the French Southern and Antarctic Lands and Juan de Nova Island and Mayotte and Reunion Island; I wonder if there isn’t actually more of France in the Indian Ocean than on the European continent; in which case, should the capital of France be in the Seychelles and not in Paris?

Tromelin is described by Wikipedia as "a nesting ground for boobies", and I think this is a wonderful piece of self-description for the site itself, though it turns out that boobies are not what the Americans think they are (slang for breasts), nor what the British think they are (slang for stupid – it comes from the Spanish slang expression "bobo", which has precisely that meaning); in fact they are a seabird of the genus Sula, similar to gannets, but with the most beautifully pale-blue webbed feet, and the Spanish explorers called them bobos because they were stupid enough to keep landing on the decks of their sailing vessels, even though this led to their being immediately caught and eaten. Captain Bligh, erstwhile Lord of the Bounty, claimed to have survived his forty-seven days between being set adrift and reaching Timor, by consuming boobies, or bobos, which settled on the poop of his lifeboat (and no, that is not why that part of the ship is called the poop-deck; it comes from the French poupe, which comes from the Latin puppis, which means the stern).

The attached image proves that boobies are not as stupid as is thought. The photo shows Rabbi Hillel Boobie, responding to the request by a younger booby to explain the entire moral and ethical code of Boobyism "be regel echad" – "in one rule" or "on one foot". Apparently his words, in the ancient Boobie language, can be translated as "Do not do unto others as you would find it objectionable for them to do unto you", a phrase that sadly is not manifested very often in these pages, but has its roots in Leviticus 19:18 (see also A Brief Essay Of Explanation By The Author).

Marks for: 1 for every boobie on the island

Marks against: 1 for every human on the island

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The Argaman Press

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Trinidad and Tobago

A familiar story here too; just as the Pacific Island tales seem to corroborate and repeat each other, so do the Caribbean; and I would like to say that they are all much of a muchness, but it is generally the lack of muchness that occupies the space. Trinidad and Tobago is an exception in that it has a great deal of muchness; of which more shortly. Before that, yes, the familiar tale: of Spanish discovery and colonisation replaced by British conquest in the 19th century; of Napoleonic Frenchman bringing their African slaves, and freed “coloureds” and “mulattos” working the sugar and the cocoa plantations until the British took them over; and when slavery was abolished, and the ungrateful former slaves demanded to be paid properly, indentured labourers brought from India because they worked for not much more than had been paid to the slaves.

The two islands became a single independent entity in 1962, with a historian named Eric Williams, who had served as their first Prime Minister since 1956, becoming their first President, and remaining so in fairly genial and democratic manner until he died in 1981. By then Trinidad and Tobago had severed its final links with Britain, establishing a republic in place of the monarchy, and joining the Commonwealth. It was the existence of much muchness that gave it the political strength to do so, because oil and gas had been discovered in significant quantities, and lying that close to the United States it didn’t need to go hunting for a purchaser.

There was, there still is, other muchness too; Trinidad and Tobago may lie close to the US, but it lies even closer to Venzuela and Colombia, both of whom need transit points for the shipment of cocaine, and Trinidad and Tobago has happily obliged. Drugs, of course, come in packages, and the package usually consists of bags of white powder, but to get the whole package, or to get it safely to its intended destination, also requires little groups of sub-humans wielding guns and unafraid to murder anyone who tries to stop them. These are known as gangs, and when not killing each other, or those police officers, judges and politicians who have declined their bribe-money, or worse, attempted to stop them, they have the unfortunate custom of terrifying tourists and law-abiding natives too. To combat this, the government re-introduced the death penalty in 1990, which is at one level ironic – “Kill All Murderers” – and at another level pointless, since the appeals process delays the execution until natural causes do the deed, and the information on deathpenaltyworldwide.org informs us that none have been carried out since 1999.

Away from the politics, it may surprise you to learn that it was Trinidad and Tobago, long before Rio or even New Orleans, which brought the Mardi Gras to the New World, the great carnival that takes place on the eve of Ash Wednesday, and whose intention was always a final indulgence of the flesh (carne-vale in Latin = farewell to the flesh) before the asceticism of Lent. Even more much to add to the muchness.

Marks for: Much

Marks against: Much

The Argaman Press

Tonga

So many Pacific islands have been referred to in these entries, and almost all of them subject-islands, whether of European or Asian empires. They all, of course, have one other characteristic in common, which is the fact that an ancient way of life, complete with ancient customs, traditions, beliefs, social structures and conventions, in most cases ancient gods as well, is still alive and well, and resistant to the ideological imperialism of both Christianity and Islam, despite the many attempts by both to “enlighten” these “heathens”, and bring them out of their “ignorance” and “paganism” to the higher form of human life which both proclaim, though the evidence of history does almost nothing to support that claim. Tonga is one of the exceptions, having been proselytised into Christianity from the day that they were named the Friendly Islands because of the cordial welcome they gave to Captain Cook (very ironic that; they had invited him to their Inasi festival, which was being celebrated on the day of his arrival, and were planning to kill him while he banqueted; alas, they could not come up with a plan).

Tonga accepted Christianity, mostly as a consequence of a Wesleyan mission established there in the 1820s, but never gave up its sovereignty – it was a British Protectorate but was never subsumed into the Empire, probably because it has no mineral resources and therefore wasn’t worth the pay-back of garrisoning and raping - and its thousand-year history of dynastic kingship became a constitutional monarchy in 2010, leading to elections that ended feudal rule and established a Parliament, though there really isn’t much for the Parliament to do, except encourage tourism and look for ways to build economic prosperity out of nothing, some time in the future. The fact that Tonga's flag is a Red Cross may be an indication of the scale of the assistance of which it is in need, or of the heritage that it is still unable to cast off and leave behind.

Marks for: 2

Marks against: 2

The Argaman Press

Friday, August 28, 2015

Tokelau

Another of the territories of New Zealand, made up of three coral atolls, Atafu, Nukunono and Fakaofo, in the South Pacific.

What is left of the population, which is now down to around fifteen hundred, survives by subsistence farming, though a significantly larger number have abandoned the place either for New Zealand or Samoa.

For reasons beyond my ability to comprehend, the UN has been applying pressure for Tokelau to become more, if not fully, independent, but the islanders have rejected self-rule in two referenda, one in 2006, the second, because the result of the first wasn’t the one its organisers hoped for, in 2007.

Given that Tokelau will disappear altogether within the next few hundred years, reduced to another Avalon-Atlantis by the sweeping tides of global warming, the remaining fifteen hundred inhabitants are probably best advised to follow their leaders to New Zealand or Samoa at some point in the next three generations.

Marks for: 0

Marks against: between 2006 and 2007

You can find David Prashker at:

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http://davidprashkerssongsandpoems.blogspot.com
http://davidprashkersbookofdays.blogspot.com/
http://davidprashkersartgallery.blogspot.com/

The Argaman Press

Togo

Modern apartments in Togo are cheaper than in Miami

Once briefly Danish, then German, the British and French seized what was then called Togoland at the start of World War 1, and the British were given it by mandate of the League of Nations when the great carve-up of the world was ratified in 1922. The British found the task easier by combining it with the Gold Coast next door, until that became Ghana, and then by granting it independence in 1960. The first President, Sylvanus Olympio, was assassinated in 1963, and his successor, Nicolas Grunitzky, ousted in a bloodless coup by Gnassinbenge Eyadema, who immediately outlawed all political parties, nationalised the country’s main source of income - phosphates - and established himself as a dictator, even surviving a coup attempt by French troops in 1985, for which the opposition leader, Gilchrist Olympio, the son of the assassinated first President, was tried in his absence, found guilty of complicity, and sentenced to death – living as he was in exile, the sentence was not able to be carried out, though kidnapping attempts were made.

By the 1990s serious resentment, if not yet serious opposition, led Eyadema to create a transitional administration, and a new constitution, only for it transpire that he meant transition to his next term of office, while the resenters thought he meant transition to some form of democracy. When they dared to state this in the new parliament, Eyadema dissolved them, in the abstract in the case of the parliament, in the physical in the case of the resenters, thousands of whom simply fled to whichever neighbouring state was nearest; and duly, in 1998, Eyadema was re-elected, and denied absolutely the accusation by the UN-OAUI that executions, torture and the systematic violation of human rights was the normal way-of-life in Togo. Opposition leader Yawovu Agboyibo dared to make this accusation publicly, for which he was jailed for six months for libelling the Prime Minister, though technically he should have been released early, as you cannot be guilty of libelling a Prime Minister who is no longer Prime Minister, who has just been sacked to ensure the President wins the next round of elections, as again he duly did, and then again in 2003, having put a new Prime Minister in who quickly changed the constitution to remove the clause that would have prevented Eyadema from being re-elected; after which the new Prime Minister resigned.

Things might have looked to improve in February 2005, when Eyadema died. However, the military had better ideas, and simply installed his son, Faure, in what was not really a coup, though technically it was a coup; simply a case of natural succession. Faure is still in power, having sentenced his half-brother to death in 2009 for plotting a coup against him, and despite the refusal of the Union of Forces for Change to recognise the result of what was clearly a rigged re-election in 2010, and then another in 2013. There will be another election in 2015, with the ANC (Alliance Nationale pour le Changement) hoping that Jean-Pierre Fabre will lead them to victory. My advice to Mr Fabre is to buy his plane-tickets now, or at the very least to work out on Googlemaps the quickest route to the nearest foreign embassy.

Marks For: 0

Marks Against: 1960 and counting

The Argaman Press

Timor-Leste

Or East Timor, as most of us know it. An island in the Indonesian archipelago, its western half is part of Indonesia, but the East stands alone. Not that standing alone has ever been easy. Around 100,000 Timorese died, according to a UN report, during the twenty-five years before independence in 2002, when the Indonesians seized and occupied the whole island; but this was nothing compared to the numbers in the past centuries, starting with the Portuguese conquest in the 16th century; the Dutch at the same time took the western half of the island, and established thereby the historical separation that cypruses it to this day.

Growth and development in the Portuguese half was pretty well zero for three hundred years, for the Portuguese treated it, like many of their colonies, in the way that most of us treat houses and hotels in a game of Monopoly – you own the set of streets, and you have the cash, so you put a house or a hotel on it, though of course actually living there is not a realistic option.

Three days after the Portuguese left, the Indonesians invaded, and in such force that what was anyway tame resistance collapsed beneath the weight of brutality and repression. Gradually a guerrilla army formed, known as the Falintil, though the rest of the world couldn’t care less about a tiny island inhabited by Polynesians and devoid, as far as anyone knew, of plunderable, I mean developable natural resources, and so the Falantil didn't even get a mention on the news, let alone access to arms or aid, until the Indonesians massacred two hundred and fifty people at a memorial procession in Dili in 1991; there is nothing western journalists like better than a good ambulance that they can chase for copy; unless, perhaps, a hearse.

In 1999, bowing to international pressure, the Indonesians gave permission for a referendum on independence, and then sent their militia around the villages to provide well-meaning advice to the Timorese on how to vote, and which was the box marked “no”. Clearly these militia were not well-enough trained, for they failed in their consultative assignment; no matter, they still knew how to use their guns, and so they simply went back to the same villages, rounded up all the yes-voters, murdered them, and erased the town from future voting registers. This prompted the UN to care a little bit more, and suddenly East Timor was being trumpeted by the UN as one of its greatest triumphs, our peacekeeping force ended the violence, our advisors and consultants helped rebuild the place, our Unmiset heroes brought East Timor to the verge of independence.

The UN left in 2005. Gang violence, led by ambitious warlords who hoped to become the despotic kleptocrats of a new and independent state, broke out the following morning; though the UN peacekeeping force that came back shortly afterwards, its name changed now to Unmit, insisted that the unrest was purely an outbreak of poverty and unemployment – the way that measles and smallpox leave scars on the skin.

And then, because this is what really counts, then it was discovered that East Timor does indeed have resources, vast resources at that, of oil and gas, off-shore, and suddenly the Europeans were vying with the Russians who were vying with the Chinese who were vying with the Americans, we are the noble altruistic philanthropists of the world who will be the ones to make East Timor great, and suddenly the Indonesians were gone, East Timor was a stand-alone, independent state, and the poor and unemployed now all have state-provided television sets on which they can watch the kleptocrats who run the country telling how they are going to spend nearly $11bn of oil wealth on transforming the half-island into paradise, while building themselves villas, mostly on the Cayman Islands or in Liechtenstein.

Marks for: zero

Marks against: 11bn

The Argaman Press

Thailand

Forget the FIFA scandal, this is the man who owns Man City

I have reached the stage where I have given up on one of my intentions, which was to create a list of those countries in the world which are ruled by autocrats, despots, dictators, military regimes, juntas, oligarchic elites, and all the other ways in which authorities pretend to be on the side of the people and engaged in real democracy; quicker and easier, I have now realised, to draw up the inverse list, of the countries which do not fit those particular descriptions. This inverse list is, sadly, almost blank.

Thailand – or Siam as it was until 1939 - would not be on the inverse list, though it would be on another very different list, practically alone on it in fact, of those countries which cannot claim that colonialism and conquest are to blame for all their contemporary difficulties; for Thailand was never colonised, nor brought into anybody's global empire. Nor can Buddhism really bear the responsibility. Its problems are the monarchy and the military, and then the megalomaniacal aspirations of individuals, in this case Thaksin Shinawatra, who was appointed Prime Minister in 2001 to replace the military, or at least a pretense by them of doing so, by appointing a civilian while continuing to pull most of the strings behind the stage. Red-shirts versus yellow shirts became the disorder of the day immediately, the reds supporting Thaksin for the five years that he managed to stay in office, until the yellow shirts who supported the opposition became too noisy and disorderly, and the military stepped in. Thaksin fled, mostly to avoid charges of abuse of power, but the catalogue of charges awaiting him if he ever returns to Thailand include corruption, authoritarianism, lese majeste (the crime of insulting the king), tax evasion, press censorship and even treason. It should have been obvious that he was a gangster and a fraud from his naming of his party the Thai Rak Thai, which means "Thais Love Thais".

Thaksin's sister Yingluck took power in 2013, and immediately granted an amnesty to anyone who had taken part in the street protests, then changed the bill at the last moment to include political crimes, which just happened to remove from the warrant book all convictions and outstanding charges against her brother. That led to months of anti-government protests which effectively made Bangkok a no-go area for foreign tourists (Bangkok was for many years a favourite haunt of paedophiles seeking child prostitutes of both sexes). Eventually the Constitutional Court ruled against this particular form of nepotism (is there a feminine equivalent, given that nepotism properly means nephew? Neptisism possibly?), and then the military seized power again.

The blue-and-white shirted supporters of Manchester City football club in England may not be aware that the previous owner of their club was said Thaksin (actually, that is me being generous; they knew exactly who he was, and generally adored him - click here), but then most top football clubs in England are now little more than money-laundering operations, so perhaps those who didn't know won't be at all surprised to read it here.

Marks for: 2 (the number of times - in 1937 and 1968 - that Manchester City have won the Premier League title without buying their entire team with laundered money)

Marks against: 2012 (the year in which Taksin Man City beat the other money-launderers to the title)

The Argaman Press

David Prashker's World Hourglass

Monday, August 31, 2015

Tromelin Island

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Trinidad and Tobago

Tonga

Friday, August 28, 2015

Tokelau

Togo

Timor-Leste

Thailand

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