Monday, August 31, 2015


The coastal regions most at risk from global warming - coral islands aren't even included!

We used to sing this when I was at school, with a Tuvalu ra laddie and a Tuvalu ra lay; but apparently this has nothing to do with these nine islands in the South Pacific where global warming, seeking low-lying fruit, will be munching on coral and coconuts before anywhere else even realises it has started. The highest point of the tallest of the islands would not reach the ceiling of a National Trust house in England, though a modern home would just about hit its head on the palm-tree chandeliers – around fourteen feet.

Imagine an island with no water, especially a small island, which is entirely surrounded by water. Undrinkable sea water, unless you process it. But no rivers, no streams, no wells, no springs, just bottled water – brought in by boat from the filtration plants, or caught in rainstorms and then boiled. You can always live on coconut milk, which is plentiful, and no need to add salt when you cook the tuna, just drop it on the ground for a moment – the soil is so totally drenched with salt that even subsistence farming is virtually impossible. Intelligent design, you see. Nice job again, God!

Tuvalu has, however, found the modern way of doing things, the Kardashian way, the Big Brother way. You can now set up your website anywhere in the world as, for example, – a Californian broadcaster acquired the TLD (top-level domain) at the cost of several million dollars per year, though for the moment only other TV-broadcasters can get the suffix (I am trying to encourage some transvestite friends 
to launch a transvestite TV channel, and then go for the website address and see what happens). The income has allowed the first ever three-storey building to be constructed, and several roads once made of crushed coral have now been paved. Ah, progress!

Marks For: 2 (one for each of the storeys that will still be visible when global warming traps the people on the ground floor on the now sea floor)

Marks Against: 9 (the number of islands that comprise Tuvalu)

Copyright © 2015 David Prashker
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The Argaman Press

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